Movies - TOP 10 reasons NOT to see Spiderman 3

*** Possible spoilers below ***

10. Fundamental character confusion: Peter Parker turns into a cocky, flirting idiot for 45 minutes of the film... supposedly as a result of some alien goo exaggerating his characteristics, which funny enough also turns him into an angry goth teenager.

9. Blatant American cheese: There is actually a shot where Spidey lands in front of a waving American flag. I nearly choked on my straw.

8. Terrible acting: Just wait until you see Peter Parker and MJ cry together at the end. It's really, really funny!

7. Awful plot exposition: At the climax of the film they cut back and forth between a news reporter who informs us melodramatically about what is going on in the skies above her. Her lines are "I cannot believe what my eyes are seeing!"... and the audience shared this thought in despair as we watched a $250m film plummet to its doom.

6. Peter Parker dancing: Our theatre roared with laughter. I cried. I cried hard. I still weep when I think about it. It's awful.... just awful.

5. The line spoken by character Eddie Brock (Venom) as he prays to Jesus on the cross: "It's Brock sir, Edward Brock Jr. I'm here humbled and humiliated to ask you for one thing... I want you to kill Peter Parker."... I waited for Jesus to reply, but he seemed to have his head bowed in shame... no doubt hoping that no one would recognise him in such a bad film.

4. The most interesting villain (Venom) shows up in the last 15 minutes. The most boring villain (an angry sand dune) seems to simply annoy Spidey all the through and then apologise at the end.

3. Too much time spent on special effects and not enough on the story. The effects are good, but that should never be an excuse to give a film a good rating.

2. It's a chick-flick.

1. The ONLY redeeming feature of this film is the performance by Bruce Campbell as a French maitre d'. He is very, very funny. They could have just released his scene and then put up an apology to the audience that could have simply read...

"The remainder of this picture isn't worth watching. You may now leave the theatre. Thank you."

This top 10 list was taken from a blog post made on Lord Weekly. And I'd say it's pretty much dead on. I just got back from seeing it, and all I gotta say is..

EMO SPIDER-MAN FTW LAWLAWLOL

Yea, this movie was pretty fucking terrible. It's boring, unoriginal, nobody acts well in the movie, the characters lack depth and development, the pacing is just plain awful, everybody fucking cries, and there's even a dance sequence with your man "Emo Peter". The movie seemed hastily thrown together, with more characters than they knew what to do with. In the end you end up not caring about anyone and wanting those 2 and a half hours of your life back.

As you can kinda see by the pictures above, Peter went all emo for like 45 minutes of the movie, with some straight-out ridiculous goofy scenes showing him as 'Evil Peter' being an asshole and 'getting the ladies' with his emo charm. Fucking odd, out of place shit went down. I can understand some corny scenes, the Bruce Campbell cameo was entertaining I guess, but as soon as Peter changed his hair-do I busted out laughing, and from then on I couldn't take the movie seriously. The whole bar scene was like an emo version of The Mask. I haven't seen a movie this bad in a while, I was really expecting more, despite the bad reviews. And on top of all that, it ran way too long and pulled a fucking Lord of the Rings with it's 5 endings.

Ofcourse it's going to blow up the box office and get a zillion dollars and they'll make 3 more movies, with or without Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst. I'd recommend anyone who has not seen it, and is planning on seeing it, to save your money and sit this one out. Don't pour any more money in their wallets, they're already making a killing on this series and studios will continue to push out these crappy over-the-top-CGI movies with utterly simple spoon-fed and repetitive/excessive romantic plots if America keeps paying.

For a more detailed review on just how shitty Spider-Man 3 is I recommend the review from Obsessed With Film: http://www.obsessedwithfilm.com/reviews/spider-man-3.php .

Enjoy the following video review from cakebite.com where they basically discuss every scene in the movie. Obviously I would not watch it if you don't want to be semi-spoiled and haven't seen the movie yet and for whatever reason still want to.